i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
