Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The struggles of a small town man whore
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
