I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
