i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
