By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
