Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
