Soap is not a condiment
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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