i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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