He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
did you just send me my own nude
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
