What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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