Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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