So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
