My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
