The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
