Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
