Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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