So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Fuck appropriateness.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
