did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
