I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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