I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
