Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
