It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
