if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
