U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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