Someone shit on the floor
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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