ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
