I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
