how can u be prego again
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You need Xanax blowdarts
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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