I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
