Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You took a bar mat shot.
ttyl tear gas
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
