You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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