every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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