I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
