Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
