No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
