Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
