i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
