i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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