I'm so fucking centered right now
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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