What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
