apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I believe in your delicious
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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