we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
We need a shit load of segways right now
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
