we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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