I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
