I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
