at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
