Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he fucked my hip out of place.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
