I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
