I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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