Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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