How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
