Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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