I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
