I'm gonna have a badass scar
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
